AJ_KNOWS

There's this girl that I'm always thinking of.

It’s 3:04 AM, I haven’t talked to you in exactly a month and four days exactly. I can try and go on with my life, acting like everything is ideal, blogging about everything great, I can go on and on about happiness. But It is 3:05, I woke up from about 2 hours of sleep, sweating, worried for some reason. Then I think to myself, there is nothing I can do, I can’t go to sleep, I never go to sleep, I never do anything. I count the days I haven’t talked to you, and it isn’t any easier every single day more, every day more, I fall deep inside myself and think about those “what if’s” and other things. I’m reminded of you everyday, I can go on and on again about redundant things, in which I thought you cared, but really, it amounts to nothing. Nothing on my side, nothing for your personal side, just my plate half full, scratch that, empty, and your plate full of personal enjoyment. I’m making this tone bitter, because I woke up and just now decided to type a tumblr about this on my iPhone. Everything is not okay, it hasn’t been for a while, I put my time and effort only to make myself feel miserable. I can tumblr about how fun stuff is, my pickups , my outlook on questions or other things , but really, i no longer know how to even talk or act, i feel numb and feelingless, like the tone of my phone typing, bland, silent, monotoned. There is no reason for me to be like this, I don’t understand why you did what you did, what I did, it’s done, it’s handled. You know I’m sad and had to play ruthless, vicious games. You are truly relentless, don’t act like everything is okay, it is not. Like I said everything is not all right. As much as I wanna say I’m happy and content, I’m not. I got the best family, the best friends, the best anything I would ever thing I would have in my life, but I just feel like if you say I did something wrong, then I took the blame. You said I was a girl, I bring all the drama. Well I always was hard on myself, but now, no. No, it is not my fault. No, I don’t hate you but I despise of you. No, I’m not mad but extremely morose and upset, my current mindset changed and lost. But even if I say that, I still care, I still remember any detail, even if you remember only the goodbye. You just had to make the letdown easier for you. What do you want? If you wanted attention just let me know, I would have given you attention, if none more, then simply none more. Don’t just do something, then last minute crumble it all down. The sad thing is you know that I cared, still do, and just played it off like you did. You tried making me jealous on purpose just because you know I couldn’t take it and you just wanted to make me sad and walk all over me. Well I’m a little “princess” right? Who brings all the drama. My right eye blinked three times right now as I type this with my fingers, one single tear drop sliding down. I have no more shame, no more ego, I’m in my own world. Your the only person I thought that I wanted to truly make feelings with, no matter what he or she said, your the only person that wanted to make me say that I wasn’t neglected to say, “hey, this is my girlfriend”, I was proud of you, I was so proud I just wanted everyone to know. But it all comes melting down. It did not happen, therefore, my prior theory on life takes over. Even if I talk to a girl, it will always end up bad, in every which way, in this case I had no problem, then i later realized that it happened again, and I wondered to myself, why even try, why bother. I think so little of myself already, so this had just to bring my self pride down already more than it already is. I have nothing to apologize for, well maybe. I’m sorry for wasting your time, I’m sorry for hurting your precious ego, I’m sorry for not giving you all my 100% futhermost self dedicated attention all to you, I’m sorry for caring when it wasn’t mutual, I’m sorry if I had feelings for you, in which you really just wanted games. I do really just hope that one day, I get to talk to you, and just for you to be real, is all I would like, real, experienced, caring, mature. I don’t care about what you did in the past, what you did whenever, now you have another boy on your brain and I don’t know what to say, good luck? I’m not sure, I’m no longer who I used to be, it’s 3:38 AM, my dad has left for work, in which only If I could visit you or say something. But, I can’t, so now I just have to try and move on, I don’t mind how long it takes, it will be more emotional day by day, but I have to really let this go, this was the worst experience of my life. Take care, hopefully see you whenever, if you just pop up somewhere, then just have fun with your life, then realize that I’m not okay. I went out of my way to be more emotional for you and you just toyed with me and my feelings just to see me sqwirm and fail, you knew this all along I suppose, but whatever, see you later.. Next time you see me, holla like you know me.

Sincerely, Aljon Capili Velasco

21 hours ago • 1 note

My favorite

1 day ago • 0 notes

SHAKE THE WHOLE GAME LIKE THE HIT STICK NIGGA.

http://www.formspring.com/forms/?688191-FU4w2MVV1s

What are your pet peeves?

-Cow Moo

- I’m not sure, I’m always HELLA MAD. Always strapped, you know. Pistol on my hip, oakland tomb raider.

What’s your favorite type of sushi? I know you’re craving some right now.

-Fred duuude

-“Fred duuude” AKA, COWMOOMOO,AKA same IP. anyways, I don’t know man, Sushi is whatever man I eat whatever. I don’t mess around too much with sushi, not really my “latter” if you must say, I might get lost and stuff. I go hard though, like that gladiator from 300.

Thanks,

Aljan Capili Valasco

3 days ago • 0 notes

Reblog this so people know who you are:

Name: Aljon
Tumblr Name: AJ_KNOWS
Nickname: Aj
Birthday: September 19
Age: 16
Location: E$$J ON MY MOMMA
High School: James Logan
Current School/Job: student
Status: Single on my momma
Random fact about you: I’m scared of roller coasters
Hobbies/Interests: Eating and sleeping
Do you smoke/drink: Hael noh.
Why Tumblr?: Why is jadakiss as hard as it gets?

3 days ago • 4,319 notes

I forgot I had this..

I deleted all my old questions because I had an overload, ask me questions!

http://www.formspring.com/forms/?688191-FU4w2MVV1s

4 days ago • 0 notes